Coach Alex Ray: 0:25

Hello my unicorns, Welcome back. Today I have a really fun special guest for you. Joining me on the podcast today is Alex Hall, aka the Bottoms Digest.

Alex Hall: 0:39

Howdy, I love it. You call your audience unicorns. That's so beautiful.

Coach Alex Ray: 0:42

Haha! Thank you, I mean. Clearly there's a theme here.

Alex Hall: 0:46

Right, I love it.

Coach Alex Ray: 0:50

Yes, thank you for being on the podcast today. I'm really excited to have you and to talk about all things bottoming, my favorite topic. I'm so excited.

Coach Alex Ray: 0:58

Hall, do you like that topic?

Alex Hall: 1:00

I love it. I love it.

Coach Alex Ray: 1:02

If you haven't gathered, right, I'm all about the unicorns. You're all about peaches.

Alex Hall: 1:10

Hall yeah Asses. Asses on hammesses all around.

Coach Alex Ray: 1:16

How did you get into this, Alex? How did you create the Bottoms Digest?

Alex Hall: 1:21

Yeah, I actually love telling this story because I was working in reproductive rights for five years and I actually thought of the idea when I was living in New York City and I kind of was like, okay, I can't be in politics forever. Like what is going to be the next thing that I do? What is something I love to do? And I was legit just cooking in my apartment and I was changing up my diet when I lived in New York because it was so expensive to buy meat all the time. So I was like starting to do a more plant-based diet and getting a lot.

Alex Hall: 2:00

Funny enough, after years of research, I started to find out that I was getting a lot of plant diversity in my diet, but at the time I didn't really know that and I really started to notice how it was affecting bowel movements in the bathroom, how it was affecting prepping for bottoming in the best way possible. And I legit was just like cooking in my kitchen one day which in New York City it's like almost unheard of that anyone would cook for themselves and I was cooking in like my 20 square foot kitchen and it kind of just like light bulb moment for me, where I was like, oh my God, I really just want to start like sharing like cooking tips and dietary tips and all this stuff with people that want a bottom, because there's this whole stigma that you have to starve before bottoming, and that's not something I've ever done and I've been bottoming since.

Coach Alex Ray: 2:48

I was 15. Yeah, I've never done that either, and I've heard that only, like more recently, people have shown me memes with that and I was like, oh my God, wait, that's a thing. Who's been doing that?

Alex Hall: 2:58

Yeah, and it's like I get that it's some of it's a joke, but it's such click bait and if you're like 17 watching that for the first time, you might think that that's the norm or that that's standard that you have to do that. So, fast forward like a year. I came up with the idea but I didn't act on it because I lived in a tiny ass New York City apartment and I was like I don't know how I'm ever going to film this in here. And then COVID happened. So I'm actually from Houston, texas, but I moved to Austin, texas, because my best friend was there and I started it out there and it just I remember posting like the trailer on TikTok and just disappearing for like a week and when I came back, I had like 50,000 followers with no, with no other videos, and I was like, okay, well, there's obviously a need for this.

Alex Hall: 3:50

So, yeah, that's kind of like how it started, and it started as a plant based, like how to eat a little more plant based, a little less meat and all that stuff. But over we're over two years old now. We've learned a lot now, especially from other scientists and doctors and stuff that everybody is so unique that we can kind of start to just play around with all kinds of cooking, but also we've, like, pivoted in a sex ed too, which has been super fun and it's honestly what's been making us even bigger. So it's evolved.

Coach Alex Ray: 4:23

Yeah, I think it was a friend that actually sent me one of your videos on Instagram, like one of your reels about modeming and douching and the amount of water to do because a lot of us have used too much before in the past. Yeah, and it was funny he sent it to me. He goes hey, this reminds me of of you, because I had someone share an infographic with me about why you don't need to use that much water, because I had been using too much water and making things worse, and then it was taking me forever to do.

Alex Hall: 5:04

Yeah, and it especially depends on like the equipment you're taking, like if your partner has a big penis, or like bigger than average is what I mean by that so like over, like six inches even then. Even then, my husband has an eight inch penis and I still do, using less water and a little less tip, and it's, it's just been magnificent. I've been doing that for years, years and years and years because when I was, I actually never douched until I was like 23. I've been douched until like 2020.

Alex Hall: 5:38

Oh my God, and like when you watch the episode of where they talk about bottoming, which they talk about it for 20 seconds. Trixie talks about how she didn't do until she was in her 20s and I remember like the time it happened where I didn't do and this guy was such an asshole about it and me being 22, 23 or whatever, like a young gay instead I was just like, oh shit, I need to start doing this. I went and bought that giant douche that everyone buys the first time.

Alex Hall: 6:11

Which what color was yours? It was just a giant black one with like a giant black tip and I just remember it like ruining sex for me for like a full year. Like it just made things worse, it was so much water, all this stuff, and then I just kind of, over the years, stopped using so much. And then when I started the mom's digest I started working with GI doctors that really taught me the anatomy of why you don't need so much water and so much of the tip and also how it's really bad for your, your gut microbiome, longterm anyways, to be doing that.

Coach Alex Ray: 6:49

Okay, wait, you have to like slow down and tell people about all of this now, because I guarantee there are others listening right now. They're like what they're hearing for this for the first time? And again, you all. That's why we're doing this episode and this is why this I'm I'm so glad to have Alex on the podcast and why you need to go follow his work on Instagram, because what they're doing is it is so needed. No one wants to really talk about this stuff in the graphic way, the honest way that we're going to be talking about it today. So, like, listen up if you've been kind of wondering and feeling a little nervous about learning too much, like I did just a few years ago this episode is for you.

Coach Alex Ray: 7:30

Mmm.

Alex Hall: 7:31

Ain't it, though? Seriously, I grew up in Texas where there's, like, honestly, no even hetero sex head, let alone queer sex head. So when I was working in Rupert there to write, that's when I really was like, okay, I like I love that I'm doing this, but I want to be doing something for my community also, and so that's why I started doing this, because I was like, okay, honestly, I'm a huge slut. I have so many amazing tips that have helped me over 10 years, but I've also learned so much through my connections with these GI, doctors and stuff. But what I was talking about with over douching like when you, when you douche, especially with tap water, you are disrupting the mucus lining in your rectum that is naturally there. That helps things move along through your system.

Coach Alex Ray: 8:19

So when you over douche, you're actually just making things harder long term, and and when you say over douche, do you mean just that one time, like you're using too much water, or do you mean in the long term, like if you're douching every day?

Alex Hall: 8:34

I'm in douching every day, like if you're doing it like every day, multiple times a day and that, and people are like, well, I don't, why would you ever? Well, I'm talking about like only fans, sex workers and stuff like that. That does happen and and that's the other part is like this is really nuanced. I think a lot of times people can't think outside the box of other people's experiences with bottoming. They're like I just said, when people are like, well, why would I ever douche every day? It's like well, there are sex workers out there that do need to figure out things and it's just something you need to navigate. So that's why it's much safer to use less water and less of the tip, because you're disrupting things, no matter what.

Coach Alex Ray: 9:15

Yeah, meaning that less you don't have to shove that douche all the way and, oh my god, like seriously.

Alex Hall: 9:21

Yeah it's, it's, it goes past. So poop is stored in the sigmoid colon, which is past the curve in your colon, and when you shove that giant tip which, funny enough, a lot of those douches are actually vaginal douches and the buyer at sex shops Just doesn't know the difference when they buy really, yeah, that's why a lot of them are so big, because a lot of times they're vaginal douches and to begin with and I Got my first one at CVS.

Coach Alex Ray: 9:52

It was like the for, just for, like constipation, just this like horrible like thick rubber blue it was. It's getting medical, it's absolutely.

Alex Hall: 10:08

For real, like they. Just when you shove that giant thing up there, it's. It shoots water past the curve in your colon and it goes into areas no penis was ever going to get. Now fisting is like its own ballgame for sure, but with having regular sex, like it's not gonna get in there so it can maybe tap in there, but when you are dumping a gallon of water in your sigmoid colon, there's almost. That's why the water never feels like it's getting clean, because you've gone too far.

Coach Alex Ray: 10:41

Mm-hmm. And now you've disrupted everything past that curve and now everything has to come out. Before and now everything.

Alex Hall: 10:49

And that takes a long time. And yeah, and, and that's where the over douching like you're really disrupting not because lining You're really disrupting your regularity, your body like the, the natural rhythms of your body, like if you know you go take a bow movement every morning, you are potentially disrupting that by over douching all the time because your body's Getting all these different signals than what it had before. So there's a lot of consequences to overdoing it.

Coach Alex Ray: 11:18

So what would you say to someone that, I guess, is like Trying this for the first time. Let's like rewind, even, and like what? Is it like the basics that someone needs to know for the first time that they're going to try douching to bottom? They may be like Either of us, who bought them plenty of times before we ever do another like well. It wasn't a horrible disaster like I don't know what do I do now.

Alex Hall: 11:44

So there's a couple things, um, obviously if you're going to do, we'll get into that. But like fiber supplements cannot be understated. Like they, they really really help things along. Because if you have a natural bow movement in the morning and it's, you're one of those people that goes to wipe and the toilet paper is clean because your fiber game is so strong, like you're pretty much set, like you can maybe use up a day to do that, like mm-hmm, you could maybe use up a day to rinse off, but like there's almost like no residue in your colon if you're going to wipe and there's nothing there because you are getting enough fiber.

Alex Hall: 12:23

But when you take fiber supplements you have to work into that. You can't just go Willy-nilly right into taking four, three times a day for fiber supplements or whatever. You have to work into it because you're actually going to make yourself more constipated if you take too much fiber In the beginning. But straight up, ceilium husk you don't need any of the like Queer marketed fiber supplements just for bottoming. You just need plain Jane ceilium husk powder or like fiber supplements that you can get giant like tubs of for like 10 $15. I have like the most generic ceilium husk capsules and where do you get this?

Coach Alex Ray: 13:06

is it like on Amazon? Where do you typically got yours Um?

Alex Hall: 13:09

I got these. Funny enough, I got these when I was in LA because I always take fiber supplements when I'm traveling, because Traveling can be very disruptive to people's like regularity and all that. So when you have fiber supplements on you. I actually just Worked with dope kitchen. Nicole at dope kitchen, she her account is phenomenal if no one is following her right now, but she has like a million followers on tiktok. She's got like 200,000 on Instagram, but she's a good friend of mine and she's been traveling a lot for like travel blogging. That's kind of what she's working into, okay, and I gave I gave her my fiber supplement tips for traveling and she, like she texted me.

Alex Hall: 13:48

It was like, oh my god, this was iconic. I am actually having regular balance when I'm traveling. Now I'm like, oh my god, that's fantastic. So that's kind of key. If you're like starting with Bonnie's, like Knowing your regularity, like do you poop in the morning? Do you poop at night? Are you a person that poops every other day? Like that's super important to know your natural regularity. And if you know that you're not very regular and You're kind of struggling to have good balance in general, it's time to start introducing a fiber supplement like today. Um, you don't need the overpriced ones for real and the ones that I bought. To answer your question, I got in LA at like a Walgreens. I just got a big bottle of selium husk capsules, okay, and it was like $25 for like three months.

Coach Alex Ray: 14:38

God, I love it. I have definitely been using the, the one marketed to the gaze. Yeah, and may switch over now.

Alex Hall: 14:45

Yeah it's just, it's the same, like there's no such thing as bad fiber. But for a lot of people I always especially for my audience I think that's why people love my channel so much is accessibility is number one priority. So, yes, um, I can't speak to everyone and assume what your lifestyle is like, but I can't assume that we can try to get the most cheap product in front of you. That works Just as well, if not better. But every GI doctor I've ever worked with recommends pure selium husk, not proprietary blend Fiber supplements Fabulous, so that's the best one. And then I guess, if you're going to douche, just less is more for real, like, if you have a big douche, use less of the tip and less of the water. If you don't have a douche yet, you could go buy a dou DU. Their douches are amazing. They don't push extra air in you. They look bigger than they are too because they have a valve inside that, the contraption that makes the air not get pushed in you. And they're also a trans-owned, queer-owned douche company.

Coach Alex Ray: 15:56

We love that. Ok, we're totally linking all of these up in the show notes, for sure.

Alex Hall: 16:01

Yes, awesome. Yeah, du is a great and I would use that because you can use it standing up. A lot of rookie mistakes are people they'll try to douche in all kinds of crazy angles and on all fours, laying on their side. All this and I'm like you're tipping the water into your Cigmoid colon, so try to.

Coach Alex Ray: 16:24

But you're not supposed to do a handstand while you do. No, I've been doing it all, absolutely not Shut up.

Alex Hall: 16:30

You don't want to slip and break your neck. That's not a good doucheing 101.

Coach Alex Ray: 16:36

But how are you going to suck this with?

Alex Hall: 16:38

a broken neck. Yeah, it's not going to work out. So, yeah, I think those are some top tier tips. I know that sounds overwhelming, but I just was like word vomiting as much information as possible on those two avenues of fiber and using a good douche and using less water.

Coach Alex Ray: 16:55

Awesome. Do you have any infographics on your site or on Instagram or anything that you've posted that we can link up in the show notes to, to show people what we're talking about with the bend and the colon and what they're really going for?

Alex Hall: 17:09

Yeah, so I have some videos on my TikTok and my Instagram. I will make some infographics for y'all, because I've been actually doing that more. I just came out with a carousel on Thursday on how to loosen up better for bottoming using butt plugs and that was an infographic carousel.

Alex Hall: 17:30

Yeah, it was and it did super well because there's obviously like a need for these and I used to be a graphic designer when I worked at Rook Bucket Ride organization, so I've been using that now to make these. So, yeah, I do have some videos on my channels about talking about why overducing is a problem, and I show the colon diagram with it. But I'll make some more stagnant ones, for sure.

Coach Alex Ray: 17:55

Amazing. So then I'll link that up in the show notes too, and everyone can. You all can enjoy a little visual of what your body looks like on the inside.

Alex Hall: 18:05

Yes, I have all kinds of it. I talk about why coffee makes you have to run to the bathroom. I talk about loosening up before bottoming. I talk about literally all of it. So, and then also fun recipes.

Coach Alex Ray: 18:18

Yeah, you really have everything. I feel like you're the whole suite of everything anyone could ever want. Yes, the whole, the whole suite of anything anyone could ever want for bottoming.

Alex Hall: 18:33

That's kind of the goal is like it started as a recipe channel and as time has gone on, I started actually debunking shower douches and I started debunking like overducing and all that and that stuff started to take off and I was like, ok, well, I'm going to keep doing sex ed content also. So now it's different. It's more like 40, 60, where it's like 40% recipes, 60% sex ed stuff, especially as the recipe content is becoming more. Like everybody's body is different. So my recipe content lately is like make this thing, listen to your body, know what to swap out Instead of like this is a bottom friendly dish.

Alex Hall: 19:16

Because I've learned a lot over the last two years and there is honestly no secret anymore. In the beginning I was like, oh, plant based, dairy free, all that. Now I'm learning like some people can truly eat pounds of dairy and be ready to go, and so we can't really say that anymore. We have to be like listen to your body, make fajitas without the onion If you're sensitive to onion. Like don't give up a dish because there's one ingredient in it. That's kind of the new angle.

Coach Alex Ray: 19:43

Yeah.

Alex Hall: 19:44

Yeah, brilliant. Thank you, Trying to just be trying to be accessible to people, meet them where they're at.

Coach Alex Ray: 19:52

Yeah and also not. I think that's something that we do a lot. It's not. It's like any kind of industry, maybe the commonality of social media, I don't know but just the generalization of advice where it's just oh hey, this is the truth, you have to do this, and no matter who you are, instead of really meeting people where they're at with, hey, you know your body really well, You've kind of had it your whole life and I've never lived in your body, so why don't you also bring your knowledge?

Alex Hall: 20:28

Mira Bellwether, the trans sex educator that passed away, I think last year. Actually, their zine, fucking trans women is a huge inspiration to me, and in the beginning of fucking trans women, there is a quote about how sex ed is like a cookbook and how their recipes that we trade off. We're sharing recipes, but you don't have to follow my recipe, you can change the recipe, and I was like that's iconic, because I'm literally doing that with recipes and sex ed. It's like here's the guidelines. Here are some healthy things that are way healthier than starving yourself and overducing, because some toxic queen on Instagram told you to do that. So here's this, but at the end of the day, listen to your body and do what's best for you. It's kind of just the gold.

Coach Alex Ray: 21:21

Yeah, also, by the way, if you eat a breakfast sandwich, it's not coming out your butthole seven hours later. No, for real. It is not how the body works. So starving yourself would only work if you did it for many days, until you no longer had to poop anymore.

Alex Hall: 21:40

It's wild that we have to talk about this all the time. I understand that people with IBS are definitely a little different, but even then, when they're eating something that's disrupting things, it's not that food ending up at the end of their rectum right away. So it's kind of wild that we have to remind people all the time like, hey, you don't digest food in 45 minutes. So that's why, actually, my channel focuses on bloating and gas the most, because that's again the whole point of Bombside Jest is to really center bottom people that want to bottoms comfort and pleasure, because for so long it felt like the top was always centered Like is the top feeling good? Is the top getting what they want? Is the top not having to deal with messes? Like fuck that. Like I want to know if I'm feeling good. Bottoming is not supposed to be painful. It's supposed to feel incredible, like all these things. And when you eat something that makes you bloated or gassy, that's a way quicker effect from eating something than passing it 24 or 48 hours later. You can get gassy from something within 30 minutes of eating it and the point isn't to be embarrassed about farts happening in the bedroom or something. The point is, is it's going to be kind of painful when you're bottoming, and the whole point of bottoming is for you to really enjoy it. So that's kind of where it's all at.

Alex Hall: 23:06

This isn't a diet. It's just about navigating foods that agree with your body so that you know you can go in, like I just did a video about I, this guy did a video of talking about bottom diet. You know, the girl diet trend that was going around like I actually don't know, I'm sorry, it's a girl dinner or whatever. They were saying, no, what is that? I don't actually know, but it was like a trend that was happening and people were just joking about all these different things.

Alex Hall: 23:34

And this guy on tiktok did bottom dinner and it was just like cup of ice water and I stitched it and I stitched it and it went kind of viral. It's got like 500,000 views on Instagram right now. But oh my god, um, I just was like the other day I had fried chicken and had sex with my husband 20 minutes later. So it's it's really just about knowing your body and it really like popped off, because it really is like you can sometimes eat things like that if you know that your body's cool with it. But there's only one way to find out, and it's trial and error.

Coach Alex Ray: 24:07

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, yeah, everybody's different and like I can eat pounds of meat, like when I used to really be trying to pack on muscle, I used to eat a pound, more than a pound, of chicken every day and at least have a pound of beef every day and had no issues. And then With the increase in fat in my diet recently, that's what does it for me. Yeah, if I have too high of a fat content in my diet, it definitely makes a big difference for me, so fiber supplements really help balance that out.

Alex Hall: 24:44

Yeah, it's all about balance. Like whenever I tell people they're You're taking fiber supplements to make up for the lack of fiber in something you ate there, like that's as simple as it is and meat has zero. There's zero fiber and meat. But Tim Spector is a epidemiologist. I have obsessed with him. He is a phenomenal scientist that is doing groundbreaking work on the gut microbiome and he has an organization called Zoe ZOE and they actually have a muffin kit that they'll send you that when you eat it it's gluten-free, dairy-free, like free of everything, so that anyone can eat it. Really it's not free. And when you eat it it passes through your system and it turns your poop blue so that you can measure how fast Food is moving through you, so that you know how healthy your gut microbiome is. Currently no way. Yeah, it's like fierce, honestly.

Alex Hall: 25:43

And but he's also one of these people that's out there saying, like it's all about plant diversity. You're the happiest gut on the planet has plant diversity. So like when you're buying a bell pepper, buy a yellow and an orange bell pepper, because you've already off. You already have two new plants instead of one, and there's all kinds of ways to really make your gut health a lot happier. I just introducing plant diversity, but a lot of people will deem me all the time being like so is bottom friendly, just vegan? I'm like, absolutely not. It's just. It just is what your body agrees with. And Fiber is not a bottom secret. Like everyone should be getting a lot of fiber and it's something like more than half of the people in the world don't get enough fiber. It's like a crazy statistic. Um, but it's just. Getting a fiber supplement is really key and there was no such thing as bad fiber for real.

Coach Alex Ray: 26:39

How would someone know if they're getting enough fiber or not enough fiber?

Alex Hall: 26:43

right.

Coach Alex Ray: 26:43

So that's the tricky, we know it has to be a black and white answer that everyone can apply.

Alex Hall: 26:50

I know right, no gray area when I tell people that they have to do a little work, they like want to scream. I'm like, well, you have to like measure it. You have to like either keep it in your phone or you need to like Use an app and like track your fiber. Because when you use like an app, like like that, my fitness pal one or whatever, yeah, if you, if you put in like I ate 200 grams of broccoli, it's gonna tell you in the app how much fiber that 200 grams of broccoli has. But when you're taking fiber supplements, especially like let's assume you've worked up to it and you can take the max dosage of fiber supplements, and that's gonna be different for each brand and bottle. So, but for my brand and bottle, it's four supplements three times a day. So I take that breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just have a reminder that goes off at 9 am, 12 pm and 6 pm and and that alone is ensuring that I'm getting enough, because I, after years of a pretty consistent way of eating, I know that I'm getting at least half of my fiber from the food I'm eating throughout the day and I'm making up the other half with supplements.

Alex Hall: 28:01

But I caught it. You have to, you have to do that. It's like a lot of people that start counting macros when they're like Leaning out or bulking up or anything, and then after a while they get so used to how they eat and what they do all the time that they don't have to count macros anymore. They just, they just know at this point, absolutely. Yeah, it's similar, so you just got to get in the habit of it and then you know if you're getting it or not. You feel it and yeah, yeah, when you go to the bathroom you'll know If you didn't get enough. Is it runny diarrhea or you having a nice firm bulky stool?

Coach Alex Ray: 28:35

Yeah, yeah, I Want to. So I want to Switch things a little bit here and get back to the sex ed portion and Just talk with people a little bit about what happens if things do get messy.

Alex Hall: 28:53

Yeah. So this is one of my favorite topics, honestly. First off, I think there's something really beautiful about leading with expectations, like if you're not Feeling good or something feels a little off, I think that, personally, there's nothing wrong with telling the person, even if it's a hookup hey, I have IBS, hey, I'm feeling a little off right now, let's, we can still go for it, but I just want you to know. And then that, right away, I think Inoculates the whole situation. If people would just be a little more open from the very beginning. And I think that when there is a mess One, we need to stop saying sorry about it like we just need to stop that right away.

Coach Alex Ray: 29:43

It's kind of. My philosophy has always been like. It's kind of what happens, you're sticking a dick in a butthole.

Alex Hall: 29:48

Yes, yes, and it's happening for like thousands of years. So I'm like you know Alexander the Great was into but play. You know that these, like emperors and shit, were into both play. They did not have the things to clean out. So, like, do you think Alexander the Great was apologizing for Messes in the bedroom? I doubt it. Um. So Again, when there's a mess, it's usually not very much, too funny enough, it's usually so little and I think just not apologizing and being like oh, do you want to move into the shower?

Alex Hall: 30:28

Or whoever's topping I don't like using top and bottom as nouns is too much. I like to try to use it as a verb as much as possible. Yeah, whoever's topping. There's a great opportunity there to ask the person bottoming like how are you feeling? Do you feel like we can keep going? Do you want to move into the shower? Do you need a break? Like communication. And again, even if it's a hookup, you can totally be doing that.

Alex Hall: 30:52

But I think just opening up right away with expectations of this is an asshole. This is a butt. There's one function that this butt actually does. We found this other feature, which is super fun, but it's not its primary evolutionary reason for being around. So it is kind of wild that we just apologize and get all freaked out and all that, but it's because there's so much shame around it. So stop apologizing and just say, literally shit happens.

Alex Hall: 31:29

And if the person starts to shame you in that moment, like the person topping, and they're like, oh, that's fucking gross, oh, kick their ass out. I know that sounds easier said than done, but like they need to go. Or if you feel like being a saint, I guess you could take that time to educate that person on why shaming someone over a body function is ridiculous. But I personally would not waste my time with that. And we kick them out and you can send them to my channel and tell them to go watch it. If you really want to save yourself some time, there you go. But it's just as simple as communicating. It really is, and I think so many people are afraid to do that, even if they want to be like a Poundtown bath house slut, like that's totally cool. But just lead with expectations and tell people how you're feeling, if you need a break. Like we can't all be mind readers out here and I think we all get upset that our minds aren't being read all the time.

Coach Alex Ray: 32:27

Absolutely, and as someone who had several, has had, even after douching several encounters where and by several, I mean like 20, 30 of many encounters it's not clean, even if I don't want it was or it old me pre 2020 was like just ignoring it and like if we just don't talk about it, maybe it won't happen. Yeah, what do you do, I guess? How do you talk with that person about it? In a way, I mean I get what you're saying around. Yes, there's no shame to be had, but I think a lot of people still they hear it and it's sort of in one ear and out the other, or it's like, well, that would be nice to not be shameful about it, but I genuinely feel horrible when I get, you know, a mess on the bed or whoever's topping me is got messy, and then they're like upset with me, like what are some more kind of like mindset tricks or like practical tips that people can start using to address that?

Alex Hall: 33:40

Letting go of control. Control is a good one because you can't control everything and, like you just said, there are times where you can douche, douche, douche, douche, douche. Everything's coming out clean, you feel great, and then you bought them and there's a mess anyways. That is like, that's like poetry, honestly, like no matter how much you plan and work to do stuff, life is gonna happen. So I think, like when it does happen and also knowing that a mess is going to happen again, like it's going to happen for all of us Absolutely Just letting go of that control and knowing that that's not what this is about. I'm here to have sex and enjoy myself and feel all that and what happens happens. We'll cross that bridge if we have to. There's so much like anxiety too, which is, funny enough, very anti-bottom friendly. Anxiety is a huge bone or kill. It can also really fuck up your digestive system and stress and all that. So but yeah, it's just like letting go of that control because you just there's nothing you can do there about that and starting to look for tools. I know there's not a ton out there about desigmatizing the shame around poop in the bedroom, but you can start to do research on like the kind of shame you experience and like maybe some tools that will help debunk those shameful feelings. Maybe you already have a therapist too and you can talk to your therapist about. Maybe there's a deeper issue there that you're feeling embarrassed about something that's out of your control. Like there's just something there. So your therapist can give you a lot of tools too about shame and how to fight it back with it and all that kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, you also can't control how someone else is going to react and tell you like what they're feeling. Like again, if the top was being a total dickhead about it or anything and again that's just something you're gonna have to sometimes let go is like you can't control how that person is being also. So those are some tips.

Alex Hall: 35:46

I know that, like again, this is a nuanced topic. There's a lot of situations Like a lot of situations that can happen and that's why I just try to always say the leading with expectations part, because to me that is, you're already opening the door for like further communication If you do need to talk about things or you know, like that. But I think it's because we as a society learned so much of our sex ed from porn, especially queer people. And in porn there are zero messes.

Alex Hall: 36:23

But when you talk to the porn stars that are in it or the producers that make it, there are tons of messes, like tons and tons and tons. Like I've been loving watching some of the porn star TikToks recently I can't think of too many in there right now, but there's actually two porn producers that were like big in the game a while ago and they always talk about that kind of stuff, about like yes, in porn it's squeaky clean, but in reality, like we had to stop that scene like five times or because there was a mess. So it's remembering that, like what you're seeing on porn and this expectation that you've set for sex is never going to happen, because it doesn't actually happen that way to begin. So, but that's before-.

Coach Alex Ray: 37:09

Only if you have a time machine.

Alex Hall: 37:11

Only if you have a time machine Right, and that no.

Coach Alex Ray: 37:16

Which is what I mean. That's what they're doing in porn. They're just like oh let's chop before and chop after, and then go look that whole chunk of time never existed.

Alex Hall: 37:25

And it's the same thing with only fans. They a lot of the times they will stop the scene. There's a reason, there's a nice little transition in the middle like there's, it's all produced. And we have to remember that because for decades now as a community, especially gay men in the queer community, have only gotten our sex said this way, and we see this stuff and we're like damn, I have to be ripped just to even qualify to have sex. Oh, I have to be super fit just to do that. And then on top of that, you're putting this pressure that doesn't need to exist on top of another pressure of like, okay, and then it's gotta be perfectly clean, oh, and then we gotta come at the same time and it's like, yeah, it's not happening, I'm sorry.

Coach Alex Ray: 38:11

And the more pressure you put on yourself, the more anxious you're gonna feel, the less comfortable that experience is gonna be, the more stress you're gonna create and you're like all, and then that also affects your bowel movements. So it all comes full circle.

Alex Hall: 38:24

It really does so, like it's really just like rethinking what sex is and like going back to step one, because we are all misguided and misled and have been for a long time about what it is. So it's what you're having in the bedroom when there's an accident and things are getting real and all that that is actually real sex. Yeah, so you're experiencing the real deal, not the studio produce, not very well paid deal, mm-hmm.

Coach Alex Ray: 38:56

I love that reminder and I'm gonna link in the show notes a couple of previous episodes for any of you who are new. I've got lots of episodes on shame and how to deal with the mindset stuff here, so those will be down there. If you want some more tips for the mindset of what the fuck do I do when it's a mess and I'm embarrassed. Any other tips for making bottoming just a fantastic experience?

Alex Hall: 39:24

Loosen up Seriously, like I feel like when I started dating my now husband. He is packing and I'm sure he like loves and I'm talking about this right now. He does not, fun fact. But I have to use him as an example because for a long time people were like, oh, you've never experienced a big dick. Then I'm like, okay, finally, I have to let the cat out of the bag. My husband is like the biggest penis I've ever had in my life and I'm married to him. So I have to like navigate that.

Alex Hall: 39:54

And when I started dating him, when I actually started doing the proper work to loosen up the real way, not with poppers and stuff I was having the best sex in my life. To this day, I swear to God, every time we have sex it only gets better because I take the time to do some of the prep work that doesn't take that long. So I just did that carousel, like I said, about loosening up with butt plugs, and I do it in a holistic way because if you're gonna take the time to do this, you might as well make it really sexy for yourself and really like make it really intimate for yourself. So like I will put in a butt plug and I will go and do like a child's pose and do the deepest breathing of my life until I quite literally feel my asshole loosen up around the toy. Like you will feel like it's melting on the toy and that's when you know that you've actually loosened up.

Alex Hall: 40:54

Dr Carlton, who's a GI doctor that I consult with all the time. He has an amazing technique called the butt clock technique, where you put a finger in and you push the finger up to 12 o'clock for 30 seconds breathing. You push your finger over for three to three o'clock. It's pinned at the top of his Instagram too. Okay, trust me, I asked him to pin it there and I just share it all the time. But that is an incredible technique because your sphincter needs to loosen up.

Alex Hall: 41:23

Some of y'all are there are too many bottoms that I know that think they've been bottoming for like a decade and they think it's supposed to kind of hurt and that is not the case. That is a very sensitive area that you were packing things into and the funny thing about it is it's also your asshole, is your rectum, and your asshole, your sphincter and all that. They're all muscles and it's the same as doing a workout, like your muscle is gonna be tight afterwards. After you've worked it out, you have to loosen it back up. You have to stretch things out. You need to be getting enough water so that your muscle is pliable and can be stretched Right also, these muscles are constantly tight by default in order to like, so we don't just shit our pants all day?

Coach Alex Ray: 42:09

Yes, honestly.

Alex Hall: 42:10

Like your body doesn't want critters coming in there either and stuff like so I think a lot of people again because that's something else that's skipped in porn. We don't see them loosening up the hole, because they absolutely do more loosening work in porn than we ever see. Some of those guys wear a dildo in their ass all day to prep for a scene, and because we don't see that in porn, we think that we can just spit on a tick and go right into it and again like why is it not working out for me? Because you're not doing the holistic prep work that is actually required. So loosening up is so key and it can just starting with box breathing is like my number one tip and then you can start to do prostate simulators, butt plugs, fingers, the butt clock technique, but just starting with like deep, deep breathing, which is why I'm actually gonna.

Alex Hall: 43:11

I'm coming out with a pelvic floor program, because pelvic floor program our pelvic floor exercises and Pilates and all that it can really be super beneficial to your whole anal area and how it can really really make sex game changing. Because once you finally loosen up, when you start writing a penis, if you know how to clench and release your sphincter because you have that mind-body connection now, like things are about to be unreal for you and your partner. So good, it's my favorite. And also that's another way to loosen up when you're taking a big package. If you get on it after you've done all the worst work to loosen up and you start doing squeeze and release techniques around your partner's penis, you have just primed your whole anus for taking that thing, no matter how long it's gonna be, how long the time is gonna be. All that You've just done, like just the work there is, like you can't even put a value to that. So in my regard, in my opinion, you just can't.

Coach Alex Ray: 44:20

Yeah, I really wanna ask you about well, actually, before I do that, any other tips, cause all of those are fantastic Any other tips before we move on to what you like about that?

Alex Hall: 44:36

I think that's it for the tips off the top of my head. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's it. I'm like I've got like a million.

Coach Alex Ray: 44:46

That's all the tips. That's just the tip of the tips.

Alex Hall: 44:49

That's just the tip cause. You're taking more than just the tip.

Coach Alex Ray: 44:52

Yeah, what am? I saying let's talk about why we love bottoming. Because I wanna kind of wrap up the episode with just a joyous celebration of bottoming instead of this like oh, it's a thing we have to do, or all the stigmas around it that yeah.

Alex Hall: 45:11

Right. So I love to bottom because it feels really fucking good. I think, for again in a long time, people assume bottoming is supposed to hurt, or it's supposed to hurt a little bit and it's like well, maybe when you're 17, losing your virginity or something like.

Alex Hall: 45:27

I was, but now I'm 30, like it should not be hurting anymore and that doesn't mean you need to be loosey-goosey either but it feels so unreal and to me I don't think like Sysman has actually come until they have had their prostate hit by another eye penis while they're coming and they're having their prostate hit, that is actually a male orgasm Like, and to me, like you just can't top that. I think it just when I'm doing like reverse cowgirl or riding, that is like the only position that milks me and I love it feels so good. So I know that that's kind of a corny answer to just say it feels fucking good, but that's really the answer. I've topped a million times and it never feels quite as good as bottoming when I've prepped correctly too.

Coach Alex Ray: 46:30

My favorite part about it is like having an orgasm while having my prostate stimulated by, while getting like pounded in the most tender, dominant, just delicious way possible. It is the only time I experience the fullest full body orgasm possible where, like my fingers and toes and every limb is just tingling with. It's almost like they fell asleep, but not painful like that. It's everything.

Alex Hall: 47:08

I always feel like my eyes are gonna pop out of my face, Like I orgasm so hard that my eyeballs feel like they wanna leave the socket, Like in a not painful way. Also, Like I love the tender dominating part, like you said. I love that Some of these people that I like to top y'all need to work for Nils hit mobility, because we want a little more than just pounding. You can pound and add a little wave to the little motion to the ocean, as people say. We need a little more of that, but I love that too.

Coach Alex Ray: 47:50

Yeah, so anyone who's only ever exclusively been a top, you've got a lot of tips now too if you'd like to play around and sort of expand your horizons and try it out and see what it can be, so that you can also know what you're giving to someone and for the rest of us, we all enjoy it all.

Alex Hall: 48:09

Right, I was like for the rest of us carry on, Carry on.

Coach Alex Ray: 48:13

Be sluts, have fun, loosen it up a little more. Use the advice from today to make your experiences as enjoyable as possible, and have fun.

Alex Hall: 48:23

This isn't a tax audit. Like have fun. Literally loosen up in all regards, because this is not like your 15 minutes of fame, one shot.

Coach Alex Ray: 48:37

And it doesn't have to be perfect. Just start using some of these things to just improve your bottoming.

Alex Hall: 48:44

I can't think of the website right now, but there's like a lot of ethical porn websites now too where you can like go watch like what real sex looks like with like real bodies and like real situations and communication happening in the bedroom. Can I choke you? That kind of stuff Like there's a lot of stuff out there. So also, like you know, leaving Sean Codycom and expanding your horizons could really help.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:09

Yeah, one of them for for gay porn is Hammeros.

Alex Hall: 49:14

Oh yeah, that's a Davey Wavy's porn site. It's actually really, really great. I'm surprised. I'm not gonna lie. When he was starting a porn company I was like I don't know about this and it's actually pretty iconic and the story is good.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:31

No, he was on the podcast. That's a last year, so go listen to that if you haven't.

Alex Hall: 49:37

I would love to. I'm also going to listen to your episode about Shane, because I would love to listen to that and learn more.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:42

Of course. Um, okay, I want us to kind of wrap up here with you've got some announcements to make, you've got new Patreon tiers, you've got this public floor program. You're talking about Share it all.

Alex Hall: 49:56

I got lots of things, though. You know. Got to keep expanding our gaking hole, I guess. Yes, so we got lots of things happening. I'm actually working on a cookbook with a literary manager right now. So that's. You know, those things take a long time, but I'm going to plant that scene now because I love to ask my audience to advise on what kind of book they want.

Alex Hall: 50:21

I'm working on a public floor and Pilates exercise program, hoping that comes out fairly soon and that will also be accessible through my Patreon. I'm coming out with all these new picture on tiers because I'm starting a discord called booty talk where we can all just talk and all kinds of different channels, sharing tips, advice. Um, you know any kind of like sex ed that you didn't get in school while still being in a respectful space, so I'm super excited about that. The discord I'm actually hoping is done this week, um, so I got that. And then, you know, things are always changing on my website the bottom side, just calm, that's where all my recipes are held. I'm actually going to be coming out. Um, I've done a lot of articles with like spectrum boutique, the like sex toy company. I've done an article with Bobby box, who's an amazing sex educator. Um, I'm about to start housing all of those on my website too, with some sort of diagram situation.

Alex Hall: 51:16

Um so always, always upgrading and doing more and changing things, but I'm excited about the public floor program more than anything. Um, I used to teach Pilates, fun fact so really, yeah, I taught it for like five seconds because I worked for a gym that has like a sunset, kind of name if you know what I mean.

Alex Hall: 51:39

And um, it's a big jam, but I used to. Um, I got Pilates certified with them and found out that they were donating money to Trump's campaign, so I forfeited my Pilates certification, and now I'm just taking it into my own hands and doing a slutty Pilates workout thing Instead.

Coach Alex Ray: 52:00

So love how you repurpose these skills, oh absolutely, absolutely.

Alex Hall: 52:04

I spent $700 for that certification, so I'm definitely gonna repurpose this, um. So yeah, look out for all that. It's going to be super fun and it's going to be very accessible. It's going to be like 15 minute sessions for the most part, because it's just like a workout workout all the time. Some of it will be like a straight up Pilates workout, because your core strength really does help with bottoming. But, yeah, that's the thing I'm honestly the most excited about right now.

Coach Alex Ray: 52:30

I'm totally joining that because I need to do pelvic floor exercises I like have done a few, as in like ever, and I'm just lazy about it and I need to like actually get on a consistent routine. I want to get on a consistent routine because I want to make my bottoming sex so much more enjoyable.

Alex Hall: 52:48

Mm, hmm, amen.

Coach Alex Ray: 52:50

Um, amazing, okay, so all of that, you know we're going to link up your website and your social handles. In the show notes you all go like everything is going to be posted in one of those two or both of those places. Right, right, exactly. There we go. Okay, fabulous.

Alex Hall: 53:09

Stunning. Oh my God, this was so fun. I hope that everyone has the best bottoming experience after this Me too. Just don't like only tell us if it went really well.

Coach Alex Ray: 53:23

Yeah, we expect for perfection. No despite everything we just said.

Alex Hall: 53:28

No, also like if you really want to share some shitty situations that went down, I just told you where that discord is going to be, so mm.

Coach Alex Ray: 53:35

Hmm. When you're going to be a spot there for everyone to like share their ridiculous stories.

Alex Hall: 53:41

Mm. Hmm, there it is and there's going to be. Yeah, because that's going to help with the shame and like de-stigmatizing these things. It's like absolutely, oh, this happened to a hundred people today, right, oh, okay.

Coach Alex Ray: 53:55

And that's it. No worries, it's normal. Yeah, shit happens, shit does happen. All right, thank you so much for being here on the podcast. I really appreciate it, alex. It was so great to talk with you.

Alex Hall: 54:07

Yes, thank you, Alex.

Coach Alex Ray: 54:12

All the Alex energy for you all today. All right, everyone Love you so much and I'll see you on the next episode. Bye, bye, bye.