Melissa Gonzalez: From Fear to Financial Empowerment

Coach Alex Ray: 0:25

Hello, my unicorns, I am so excited to have you back for another special guest episode. Today I have with me on the podcast Melissa Gonzalez. She is a financial planner and today she is going to help us figure out our finances, get things jujjed up and plan for our financial futures. So welcome to the Queer Confidence podcast, Melissa.

Melissa Gonzalez: 0:47

I love it. I love it. Thanks so much for having me, Alex Glad to be here.

Coach Alex Ray: 0:51

You're welcome. Thanks for being here with us.

Melissa Gonzalez: 0:53

Of course, of course.

Coach Alex Ray: 0:55

All right, we have a lot of questions to cover and we've got questions from the audience too. So before we get to all of the questions, I want to know a little bit more about your background, your financial upbringing and kind of the lessons you've gone through personally.

Melissa Gonzalez: 1:10

Yeah, taking me way back now, alex. So I am born and raised in San Diego. I have three sisters. I grew up in a household filled with women Three sisters, my mom, my grandma, even our dogs, our pets were always female, so it's very female dominant household.

Melissa Gonzalez: 1:32

And we grew up in a very I think I shared this with you, I think over coffee, one time where we talked about how I grew up in a very humble upbringing, economic upbringing, and we didn't have much. However, we had a lot of support from other people. I am so like the schools that we attended. My mom volunteered to help us have a private education growing up, which I really do believe played a significant role in how we grew up. And because of the area that we grew up in, was it maybe the best, the best, just the best area? And growing up, money was something that we just never really talked about. We kind of shied away about it. And money if you had a lot of money, it was kind of eluded that you were maybe a bad person where it was kind of evil to have money.

Coach Alex Ray: 2:28

So growing up with that same message.

Melissa Gonzalez: 2:30

Yeah, yeah, and that happens often and it also depends on the depends on your upbringing and the culture, things like that. And for a very long time I struggled with that growing up, that what did I not have? And then again, growing up experiencing working really at a young age started working at age 15, work through work, part of high school, work through college, everything. And what I loved about my experience now as an adult is I love the work ethic that I built earlier on and then the exposure I had about money to help me, to help me grow a little bit, and my grandma helped me. So I remember my grandma helped me get my first car, so she co-signed awesome car with me.

Melissa Gonzalez: 3:19

So that was so amazing and I was fortunate. But she also, she trusted me. She knew my character, she knew again that I was working hard, good, good student, all that stuff. So she trusted me. So that really helped me start building, to start building my credit.

Melissa Gonzalez: 3:35

Then one of my older sister also taught me a little bit about credit and then that's how my call it my passion for finance really started was just starting to learn something that was really not talked about earlier on in life and I realized that money is a tool and there were things that I wanted to do to be able to help my future family and my current family everything. So that's how. That's this a little bit about my call it my background.

Coach Alex Ray: 4:02

Yeah, I would love to hear a little bit more, and it sounds like you already kind of covered this a little bit. But, like, what would you say to someone who has a similar upbringing, where they feel like, okay, if you have money, then you're kind of evil, something's wrong with you, and now they're also like well, how do I break through that mindset? Because I'm realizing I don't like having the lack of money either.

Melissa Gonzalez: 4:30

That's such a good question. That's something that I really personally was very challenged with for a very long time that when I realized that money is a tool and that money does not make anyone a good person, does not make anyone a bad person, it's just a transfer of energy. That's the way I look at. I look at money now and I look at again if it's a tool, what does it provide you? And, of course, you're inside. If you're a good person, you're a good person, like so it's I, it's it's. I can't say that it's something that you, someone, can just develop overnight and say that they're. Maybe the lack mentality turns into an abundance mentality, but it's doing affirmations, the positive, positive affirmations, statements to yourself and then learning about all the good things that money can do in someone's life, first in your own households, how it can really help provide the life that you really want. Does it necessarily? Does not have to be at all something that's like a lavish lifestyle? But and again, sometimes I think we automatically believe that money equals lavish lifestyle.

Melissa Gonzalez: 5:45

And that's not the case. So it's like whatever is important to you, then dig a little deeper into it, focus on positivity and then, little by little, let go about all the many things that maybe we were taught earlier on in life about how money is is bad. We end up identifying that that those things aren't true. It takes a while to figure that out.

Coach Alex Ray: 6:10

There's like this religion to money, almost yeah, and these like spooky boogeyman stories we believe about, about money, but they really do still. I mean I wish they sounded that silly in my head, but oftentimes they don't. They seem very real and very true.

Melissa Gonzalez: 6:30

Totally, totally.

Coach Alex Ray: 6:32

Is there anything else that we should know that you'd like to share so that we can get to know you a little bit more in your background?

Melissa Gonzalez: 6:40

Yeah, so I'm part of the community as well. So I came out when I was in my early 20s. I married to my beautiful wife, maricela, who you've met. We have a lot of furry children. We have two cats, two dogs. We're very family oriented. And one thing that's been very important for me as I continue my career is really helping diverse professionals, and that includes LGBTQ plus community, and I'm just so happy that I have this opportunity to just help so many people in this space and I like the way I like I like kind of saying like I'm helping my people right, whether it's LGBTQ plus or it's diverse families or individuals. I'm really happy about that.

Coach Alex Ray: 7:30

Oh, that's amazing. I feel like there's so much trust that you build to by just having shared identities with people like I would so much rather work with someone in the community than I would someone outside the community that doesn't necessarily understand my struggles or that, like I might have to experience awkward microaggressions just by, like, having a conversation that in my head, doesn't isn't supposed to go there, but somehow does.

Melissa Gonzalez: 8:02

Yeah, somehow it does, and I've received that feedback before from from clients. Either I met, I'm meeting them for the first time and they say that I saw your website, or I saw your LinkedIn and they say that they like the, the thought I often get like the authenticity and I'm very forward that I'm welcoming these communities to to our practice, versus saying that maybe sometimes financial planners, financial advisors, have a very niche market where they only help a certain type of individual and that's something that just never, I never. I never felt really good about that starting this business and I always just wanted to really help those that I saw that needed a little bit more. Maybe they were under underserved, under help, underrepresented.

Coach Alex Ray: 8:59

Yeah, it's amazing. I would love to hear too if you're willing to share or whatever you're willing to share, just about your coming out journey. What? Was that like for you.

Melissa Gonzalez: 9:11

Such a good question. Okay, so it was in my early twenties. So so I'm one of four, four girls, so three sisters and I. One day I decided to actually tell one of my sisters, and I remember I think we were, it was one bathroom for the entire house and we were in the bathroom together she probably like doing her makeup or something. And then I tell her and she her response was kind of like duh, like I knew this already, like oh gee Really.

Melissa Gonzalez: 9:43

Yeah, that was. It was funny. It was funny. So I told one sister, then told another person and I eventually told my grandma and my grandma was the one that I was most concerned about, like I'm not sure. Very, she was born in Mexico, became a US citizen in the States, maybe 30 years ago Maybe I might be off at the time and had a very strict way of looking at things and I thought that that was going to be very challenging and she was so accepting it was.

Melissa Gonzalez: 10:16

I'm very, very blessed with my coming out story, Very, very blessed, fortunate, about all the support that I had from family, and we joke about it that a lot of folks say that, like we knew this already, we were just waiting for you to like, we were waiting for you to say it, so it was like wait, why didn't you tell me? And they're like that's your story to tell, like okay, that makes total sense.

Coach Alex Ray: 10:36

I love that. I'm so glad for you that you had such supportive family there for you. That's absolutely incredible and I think that's not always like the narrative that we hear about our community and I love to be able to hear different stories so that we can really show like, hey, it doesn't, not everyone's experience is terrible and we're very good and connecting, Would you say. Your relationship how did your relationship like with your family change after coming out?

Melissa Gonzalez: 11:13

I don't think it changed much. I don't think it. I think it was kind of like you said that one of your family members was like okay, like let's move on now, it's not a big deal. I think that's the majority of my relationships were like that and that everybody was just supportive, and then it's like the end is like it's still me.

Melissa Gonzalez: 11:34

I'm still the same person, still the same human, the same relationship. Yeah, so I'm very, very, very fortunate, because I know that that's not the case for a lot of people. And yeah, I'm just thinking like when did I maybe not have those experiences I could say professionally, sometimes in my earlier career it was at times very challenging to be in a professional environment. And then I constantly am asked what does your husband do? Or what is your again, what does your boyfriend do?

Melissa Gonzalez: 12:13

And then those comments or I'm also Hispanic, so I speak Spanish. So in my previous career sometimes I would speak Spanish because of the client that I had in front of me and I'd get feedback on that like hey, you're in the United States, you should speak English, or the like those types of comments. So I received that.

Melissa Gonzalez: 12:36

I received that, received some stuff about being a lesbian and I got a lot of the you're too pretty for that, You're too like, like, oh, you haven't been with them, you haven't been with them, you haven't been with the right man. So it's like I got a lot of things in the professional environment. So, more personally not so much it was professionally that I had to figure out how to navigate through it. So now I'm very forward about who I am in my needs. It just it's just part of the conversation, Like if someone says something about their spouse, then I'd say, oh, like my wife and I. So I just mentioned it.

Coach Alex Ray: 13:15

Yeah.

Melissa Gonzalez: 13:16

Make it a part of the conversation and if, whatever reason, they don't like it, then I know that we're not the right fit together. Like, and that's perfect.

Coach Alex Ray: 13:24

So I'm very forward. With. The plan for today was to focus on financial confidence. However, I feel like you just gave everyone just such a great tool right there for confidence, just in your identity as a queer person.

Melissa Gonzalez: 13:43

Yeah.

Coach Alex Ray: 13:45

I have found like this, similar things, where the more that I hit it in the past, the more insecure I felt, and the more forward I was about it, the more confident I felt and the same thing I see in my clients as well. Like it's when you hide it, then you have all the opportunity for people to be like unintentionally an asshole to you. When you lead with it. You can find out very quickly where they stand and say goodbye if they're not a good fit.

Melissa Gonzalez: 14:22

Exactly, exactly there's. It's an abundance, right, it's an abundance. I always say, like people are choosing to work with me and my team, but I'm also choosing to do onboard to as a client, and we look for shared values. We look for that. That's very important. You can have all the money in the world, but if you're not a nice person, we probably don't want you as a client. And again, that's just more of like, just about more value driven practice on how we're helping people. But, being forward, it's on LinkedIn website, on the Zoom or any other call it virtual tools that anyone uses. I always use my pronouns, my email signature Goal is just to make it very apparent and that it's also a safe space too. That typically opens a door where someone else might feel a little bit more comfortable sharing some more, some more personal information with me than maybe I didn't have that.

Coach Alex Ray: 15:25

Amazing. Ok, should we get into the finance stuff? Let's give everyone the full financial overhaul today. Let's go.

Melissa Gonzalez: 15:35

Give them a starting place.

Coach Alex Ray: 15:37

I know what the question was that I was forgetting earlier, and I think this is a great spot to kick things off here. I for a long time and it's a reoccurring thing I just finally did my budget after hiding from it since almost a year, and I had had one for a little bit before, and I go in and out. One of the things that reoccurse for me is I have a lot of fear of looking at my finances. I have this mindset, and I'm sure there are other people listening that maybe have something too, so I want to hear your input on it of well, if I just close my eyes, it's probably going to be OK. So why look at it? Because if I look at it, it's just pure anxiety.

Melissa Gonzalez: 16:24

That's such a good question and absolutely you're not alone. That's so common, so, so common, so one. I like that you have the budget. I like that you've created a budget and it's so hard to stick to a budget sometimes I think it's just human nature that we don't want to right. I love that you did it. And then I think it's like so I think of any type of goal, whether it's a career goal, a financial goal or maybe it's any other goals in life. A lot of times we place, we put this goal out there, and normally what gets tracked gets done.

Melissa Gonzalez: 17:08

Right If we do pay attention to again, maybe looking at that budget, right, we have to start. Oh sorry, if we're not paying attention to that, let's start asking ourselves what's holding us back, what is causing this fear, and understand what that root causes. And what happens is, a lot of times we're in this lack mentality that we're thinking of what we don't have versus the we're so grateful that we do have XYZ. So I'm thinking of whether someone has a job right, whether getting paid every two weeks or every month, however they get paid, or someone's self-employed. However you're getting paid, someone is still trusting you to pay you. So it's like receiving. I always look at it. It's like you're always providing something. Wherever it is that you work or self-employed, you're providing a value somehow and you're getting paid for that.

Melissa Gonzalez: 18:12

So I think focusing on what's really positive about it versus the lack and I think it's so hard to it's easier said than done right. But so I think one is like acknowledging that piece is what is it? What's causing the fear? And maybe digging into it a little bit more. And then the other one is having some type of goal or a goal in place about what we're paying right, whether we're looking at our expenses, for maybe it's just to put money into a savings, or maybe to pay some bills, maybe it's to pay some credit cards, whatever it is. It's that if we don't feel like we're making progress, a lot of times we just naturally human behaviors to avoid it. So I'd say, having some type of target a lot of times helps alleviate it, because there's a target and then there's some level of a plan associated with how am I going to save this money or pay this bill or pay this card off? Like, if there's a plan, then you have like the end in sight. Then we start seeing it differently.

Melissa Gonzalez: 19:24

Yeah, I don't know kind of reasonable there, but that's kind of how I'm taking that one.

Coach Alex Ray: 19:31

I love that answer and when I think about it for myself, I used to work out like that was my main thing. A lot of people that follow me still know me from the fitness world. What you said about tracking really reminded me of how I used to really track my deadlift, my snatch, which is not anything naughty it's a crossfit movement, not anything naughty here. I mean, we do talk naughty on the podcast so we can definitely talk about that. But deadlifts, squats, all of the different movements like I would track what was my lift and would, over time, watch that number grow and it was intentional about trying to get stronger. And I did, and I think the same thing. If I never even knew what was on the barbell and if I never actually wrote it down or looked back, I also wouldn't have had any of the satisfaction of oh look, I actually lifted more this week than I did a month or two ago. I think applying some of that same mentality for me is a really great framework for finances.

Melissa Gonzalez: 20:46

That's so good.

Coach Alex Ray: 20:48

So thank you for that. Ok, next question I have for you is how is the financial challenges, or financial planning challenges, that queer folks need to plan for? How are those different?

Melissa Gonzalez: 21:06

That's a good one. So I think one budgeting absolutely is a big topic. The other one is estate planning.

Melissa Gonzalez: 21:15

So, estate planning. That's a big one Because it also depends on what state you live in, whether you're in California or you're in a different state. So I think of estate planning because there are added components that make it a little bit more challenging for same-sex couples. So for our community, so that would include having a will or a trust or having the right beneficiaries in place health care directives I've heard the stories from clients and from other areas that something happened with their partner but they don't have rights to go visit them at a hospital, they don't have rights to help financially, to have access to bank accounts, to help pay bills, because they're not on an account but there's no power or attorney.

Melissa Gonzalez: 22:11

So there's these nuances for our community. So that's one. And then also just every state is different. So I think of even adoption. So in some states one person doesn't, if they're basing in same-sex couple, they don't have to adopt the child. But in another state, if the adoption, if one parent is not legally a parent, there can be some issues there. If the let's just assume child goes to a field trip to a different state and then something happens that wasn't supposed to happen, there might be some issues there. So estate planning is huge in our community. I can say it's often overlooked.

Melissa Gonzalez: 22:58

But really important to address this, important to address that. And then you asked some other. I think it was like nuances or other challenges that LGBTQ plus individuals, families face also just the family, growing a family, if that's important to the individual, to the couple. It's not like. I'll give myself as an example my wife. Her name is Manicela. It's not like Manicela and I can wake up one day and say, hey, let's make a baby tonight. We just can't do that. I'm like we just can't right.

Coach Alex Ray: 23:37

There's a little more planning involved.

Melissa Gonzalez: 23:39

Yeah, it's just not going to happen, so we really have to plan it. Then it's the who are we going to contact? Who are we going to trust? Who has experience working with same-sex couples? Then it's how much is this going to cost? Then it's the insurance. Does some employers have really great coverages in this space? Some employers don't? Then there's the, also like thinking about maternity leave. Right, if you're not married, can you both take maternity leave? Like, how does that work? So these all these little nuances, but that can really affect someone's life financially. And then what is another one, the, I'd say an emergency fund safety, like a safety net. Lgbtq plus individuals are recommended to have a higher emergency fund than our heterosexual counterparts.

Coach Alex Ray: 24:44

Sure.

Melissa Gonzalez: 24:45

And the reason? One reason is because there's a higher probability that we would experience some type of workplace harassment, so then we have a higher probability of being out of work and then meaning, and then statistically we have more debt. So there's just like this cycle. So it's like having those strong safety nets is really can play a significant role long term, short term or long term.

Coach Alex Ray: 25:14

Yeah, that's really, that's really good to think about. Like all of those things, particularly the one standing out to me is like having that bigger safety net and knowing like, oh, okay, hey, that's, it's more. It's important for us to have a larger safety net than we might be if we're not seeking out queer centered or or, yeah, queer centered advice on our finances. We may not be aware of these nuances. Are there any things we talked about challenges a bit? Are there any strengths that you see in queer individuals and their finances?

Melissa Gonzalez: 25:52

Absolutely yes, so that's a good one. Our queer community have a very strong buying power in the. United States very strong buying power in the United States and household incomes are higher typically than the heterosexual incomes.

Melissa Gonzalez: 26:13

When you find a household. I'm sure there's like age ranges to this and I don't have the exact data there, but it's pretty neat to hear that the data stating that LGBTQ plus are one of the one of the segments of folks that are that are increasing their buying power in the US. It's like, okay, we have, we're, we're, we're dropping some money in our community, in our businesses, all of that.

Coach Alex Ray: 26:47

I feel like that's something that to me, feels very empowering, to know that like hey look, we've got corporations, businesses want our money. When I think about it from that side of like, oh, they want what I have, I always feel a lot more empowered, like, well, great, then I'm gonna make some wise decisions because I'm not the one that's like begging here like you want what I have, and I don't have to just kind of like grovel yeah, yeah, I love it.

Melissa Gonzalez: 27:21

It's so true, though it's so true, there's we're we're important buyers in our community, in our community whether it's local space, national space, and it's probably why we're also seeing a lot of, amongst other things, but we're seeing a lot of companies really focus on capturing this business, yeah, and really helping our community.

Coach Alex Ray: 27:48

So definitely, and I think that's sort of a way that we can all start thinking about. Okay, well then, how do we leverage this in our workspaces? Or or, if you're wanting to purchase something like, how do you use that again to your advantage instead of feeling like, oh, something, I have to hide this part of me? Can that be something that's at the forefront, that's actually like your, your identity being an ally for you, instead of feeling like your identity is a hindrance exactly.

Coach Alex Ray: 28:21

Are there any? Do you have any like top tips for the community for planning for a better financial future?

Melissa Gonzalez: 28:31

Really good question. So top tips. So one is I think the first one is start with. The first one always is start with, like start with the budget is understanding what's coming in every month, what has to come out every month.

Melissa Gonzalez: 28:46

A good rule of thumb is 60% of expenses goes go towards sorry, 60% of income goes towards expenses like your normal day to day. 20% goes towards your future self. Always recommend to look at saving or investing, putting money away as as a bill. It's like you're going to pay your rent or you're going to pay your mortgage pay yourself too and then the last 20% goes to whatever you want to spend on, like whatever you want, guilt free. So you're giving yourself permission to spend. So that's one as your rate as you your income increases. Always recommend to to increase your savings or investments to like what you're contributing. It's so easy for us to increase our lifestyle spending.

Melissa Gonzalez: 29:40

So it's like how do we do both? So it always like operating percentages. So budgeting, that's one. The other one is is start having the a conversation with a, with a planner, with an advisor. Start having a conversation, develop a financial plan, regardless of what stage in life you're in, is understand what are the short-term and long-term goals you, you want in life and it's they're always changed Like. They always always change. So it's okay that we don't have like the, the perfect, like we don't have, we don't know exactly what we want in five years or in 10 years or in 20 years. That's okay. There's no right or wrong answer. And then, just to start somewhere, always recommend to do things to make sure that they're setting themselves with a very strong foundation. I like to use the analogy of a financial house. When you purchase a house, you're always going to double check if there's, if the foundation of that house is really strong.

Melissa Gonzalez: 30:41

So, from a financial planning perspective, let's make sure that you have a very strong, strong foundation. So talk to a financial advisor, have that conversation, get to build a relationship and then, little by little, you'll see the progress. That's the. That's one thing that I wish I had done sooner, even for myself. Marisa, my wife, says the same thing, that she wishes she had done things sooner too. We don't know what, we don't know right, and but then we learn.

Coach Alex Ray: 31:10

Yeah.

Melissa Gonzalez: 31:11

Like okay, let's just keep on going, there's progress.

Coach Alex Ray: 31:14

Yeah, Okay. So potential roadblock I'm seeing here is what about the person that's like, okay, that all sounds great, but like I'm panicked because my finances are so tight? How much is it going to cost me to talk with an advisor? How can I even afford to be able to do that?

Melissa Gonzalez: 31:31

Yeah, that's, that's, that's so true, and I can see that those, those come up, so it depends.

Melissa Gonzalez: 31:38

So there are, there are folks that really focus primarily on more like budgeting there there's, you probably would pay some type of fee, probably a few hundred dollars a month, to speak to someone that is only going to really focus on budgeting, right? So that's a great first way, but, yes, you're probably looking at a few hundred dollars of an investment in there per month for a financial planner, financial advisor. Some charge a flat fee just to have conversations as well. Some don't. Personally, I've operated my business of not charging that upfront fee, so it's really just a conversation. There is no charge to have the meetings, to have the conversations. We just ask to share the level of financial planning, right? Because instead of putting thousands of thousands, of thousands of dollars into marketing, we'd say, well, we want to just serve our community and the way we grow. The grow is through word of mouth, the favorable introductions, all of that. So I there are advisors out there, myself included that will not charge that upfront fee, which can be several thousands of dollars.

Coach Alex Ray: 32:48

Amazing. So someone listening right now with that exact situation could say okay, great, I'm going to, I'm going to call up Melissa after this interview and be like excuse me, I need some help. Where do I get started?

Melissa Gonzalez: 33:04

Yeah, absolutely, and you'd be able to get them started. Yeah, absolutely we would. We would spend a little. We spent some time have that conversation, direct, the right way, kind of give some suggestions of what to do on some tools as well, like we've. We've have we've helped some people where, where we give them some guidelines, some tools as to what they need to do to get out of some debt, to build a strong emergency fund.

Melissa Gonzalez: 33:33

And then we pretty much say this is kind of like the homework over the next three months or six months or a year, and again, they're adults, they're responsible for implementing all of that. And then after that, then it's the Melissa, we did it, we're done, we're almost done. Now it's the okay, let's focus on some longer term planning versus solely paying off debt. But and again, debt was just an example, but we've done that several times.

Coach Alex Ray: 34:02

Yeah, amazing, okay, cool. So, looping back to something that we talked about earlier, I wanna shift the conversation more towards families for a bit. For queer families, what should they keep in mind as far as navigating estate planning or insurance or other things that are unique to queer families?

Melissa Gonzalez: 34:30

For queer families.

Melissa Gonzalez: 34:31

So estate planning is absolutely obtain a trust, absolutely a trust if you have assets to protect and pass down to each other and making sure that beneficiaries are up to date, because, again, some states are just not going to honor that, they're not gonna honor if someone's not married and sometimes they will, but again, every state is different.

Melissa Gonzalez: 34:54

So, having a trust and updating beneficiaries for insurance, I highly encourage folks to be proactive about life insurance, be proactive about protecting their income. Our ability to earn an income is what pays the bills, what helps us save money and everything, and that's a big area that's missed. And there can be times where we just can't go to work and that can be very detrimental to the debt that we just paid off, the savings account that we just built, and now we can't go to work for six months for XYZ reason. So those are at least a little bit on the insurance side. Longer term for insurance it would be long-term care, planning long-term care for my queer clients. Their concern tends to be, and even for myself too, their concern tends to be how much is this going to cost? Who's going to take care of me when I get older if I don't have kids?

Melissa Gonzalez: 35:51

Because a lot of times what happens is kids become the plan. That's very common and the state doesn't pay for this stuff. The government doesn't pay for this stuff. So then we don't have kids. Then who's left? So we really have to sell fun and practically plan for this. But there is a way to have an insurance company, kind of, pay that bill for you.

Coach Alex Ray: 36:16

Love that. I feel like. That's like right there the answer I wanted to hear. It was like okay, wait a minute, hold on how much? Yeah, oh my god.

Melissa Gonzalez: 36:27

Are you sure?

Coach Alex Ray: 36:27

no one else is going to help with this, because I pay so much goddamn money and taxes and insurances like are you sure?

Melissa Gonzalez: 36:35

Yeah, that one's a tough one. That one's a tough one because it's very unfortunately it's very expensive process to go through long-term care. So Southern California, on the low end, it's about $5,000 a month in today's dollars. I don't pay for that and that's not for the best care. And that rate is skyrocketing year over year. So we can imagine when you and I are a little bit older we're probably going to still be super healthy, hopefully.

Coach Alex Ray: 37:06

Yeah, hopefully, hopefully, independent living, but, as you said, that's not always guaranteed. And it's like a lot of financial planning is to kind of help with that thing, the fact that life isn't 100% guaranteed, preparing for those unexpected things.

Melissa Gonzalez: 37:27

Right, it's exactly Prepare for the unexpected but plan for a really good tomorrow and then figure out how do you still plan for those things but still have an amazing life today, or sustain? I'm working to only plan for tomorrow. That's not. Most people want to have a very balanced life that they're enjoying today, but they're planning for a good tomorrow.

Coach Alex Ray: 37:55

Yeah. What could someone do then to start connecting with a financial advisor or finding more information?

Melissa Gonzalez: 38:06

Absolutely. Well, you mentioned it earlier that I absolutely am happy to help. I'm happy to help, so they're more than welcome to reach out through my website. There's a way to just kind of like fill out the little questionnaire and then it'll send me a link or a note to contact and schedule a time together. So that's going to be one way that, of course, I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram All those good social media channels they can reach out to me.

Coach Alex Ray: 38:31

Yeah one of the reasons I really wanted to have you was so that anyone that's listening that's like, hey, I really want to start working on my financial picture, but most financial advice out there doesn't feel like it includes me or even is aware of what are the things that I need to look out for as someone in the LGBTQ plus community. So absolutely all get yourself connected with Melissa. She's going to actually understand the challenges, the unique challenges that you're going to face, that you have thought of or that you may not have thought of at all. So I really appreciate that about you and your expertise.

Melissa Gonzalez: 39:13

Thanks, Alex.

Coach Alex Ray: 39:14

Yeah, let's do two questions from the audience. So, dr Gretchen Sites, I hope I am saying your last name correctly. Yes, is it possible to generate wealth without investing in real estate?

Melissa Gonzalez: 39:33

Really good question and the answer is absolutely yes, absolutely yes. So there is no right or wrong way on how to build wealth or generational wealth. I think I do believe social media has taught a lot of us that the only way to do it is the real estate Right. I think that's very common. I think that is a way to do it, but not the only way to do it. The best way to approach it from a finding perspective is to diversify assets and have different ways. Different wealth-building tools have to think about yes, real estate is a great tool. However, has his downsides. Or some investment accounts are great tools, but they have some downsides. So everything is going to have a pro and have a con.

Melissa Gonzalez: 40:30

There's no corn product out there that's going to be perfect, but it is what feels right to you as a person, versus doing something that maybe just doesn't feel right. Like, not everybody wants to be a property manager and be a landlord Not everybody. I think our society has made a lot of people believe that that's the only way to build wealth, and that's absolutely not true. Best way to look at it is based on habits. So what's the percentage of income that we're actually putting away and that's growing?

Melissa Gonzalez: 41:08

right, so it's in certain big savings, investment accounts and our real estate. But the percentage of our incomes, that's what's going, that we're actually putting away. That's what's going to grow over time If we're not putting anything away. That makes it very challenging.

Coach Alex Ray: 41:25

Right that nothing's growing because it's not growing.

Melissa Gonzalez: 41:29

That's right yeah.

Coach Alex Ray: 41:31

That on it right there. That's something that I really appreciated. The first time that we hung out and got coffee and talked was just that you really center the how on values. I felt really comfortable talking with you and understanding that, like, okay, wait a minute, you're not someone that's going to come with a plan of, okay, well, here's the step one through seven. You have to do all of these and if you don't like them, then get over it or, sorry, you're just hopeless.

Coach Alex Ray: 42:05

You're never going to be able to have the financial future you want, and that is kind of the way that I felt, like I was being talked to in other financial settings was like you have to do these specific things and if you don't, you cannot succeed financially, or even that there's something almost like wrong with you if you don't like this. And some of us have, like, certain moral obligations with certain ways of investing our finances, and I think that's probably maybe more common in the queer community than it is outside the community for us to be more aware of where we're putting our money and being a little more conscious of I don't want just growth, I also want to be doing good with how I invest my money, absolutely.

Melissa Gonzalez: 42:49

Yeah, absolutely.

Coach Alex Ray: 42:50

And that's so common.

Melissa Gonzalez: 42:51

That is very, very common. The social, responsible investing that is something that is more talked about now and it's important. People want to align their values to what they're putting their money towards, or even what stores they go to, what business are they going to pay into for our products or services. We look at the HRC scores, we look at a lot to make sure that they're in alignment. Yeah.

Coach Alex Ray: 43:28

Absolutely All right. The second question I have is from Mario and he said are there expenses unique to the LGBTQ community that we should plan for?

Melissa Gonzalez: 43:44

Good question. I think I touched on one a little earlier on the long-term care planning. I think that one for sure not a huge concern as a younger individual, but as we get older it's something that would play a role. So that's going to be one. And the other one is really paying attention to employer benefits. What are the benefits that you have access to If you're looking to transition? Are those? Is that covered through work Right? Or what portion? What part of it is covered, what part of it is not? Or if we're looking to expand the family, start a family, does your employer offer some help or not? So I think it's a lot of it is employer-based. I think those are the two main ones that at least pop up to mind right now.

Coach Alex Ray: 44:40

Those are great, all right. Lastly, give us a little preview of what they can expect if they reach out to you. What does it look like to work with you?

Melissa Gonzalez: 44:51

So typically we would have an introductory conversation and it's a conversation just to understand what's important, what the goals are of that individual, that family or that couple, whoever it is, understand their current story as to where they're at financially, how they got there, all that, and then understand what they're not doing.

Melissa Gonzalez: 45:15

I ask a lot of questions Just to understand the story and I can say it's a judgment-free zone, so no right or wrong answers. It's just really understanding what the current scenario is and where you're headed or the individual's headed, and then, assuming we agree on having another conversation, typically we would have another meeting and that's when I would share a little bit more of those observations of the this is what steps to take or strategies to do, and then at that point we can say, okay, should we actually formalize this relationship and really work together? Should we follow up in a few months, or should we reconnect in another week, or is it another six months? Whatever it is, we can figure out cadence at that point. But the first conversation I can say it's a very it's just an open conversation where we're figuring out can we be of value and help in any way, shape or form, or maybe is it not, maybe is we're going to give a couple of pieces of advice and say let's connect again in six months.

Coach Alex Ray: 46:26

So, again.

Melissa Gonzalez: 46:26

that's. I'd say it's a very simple conversation. The most I say to be prepared for is have a budget and I would share like a blank budget to complete pre-fill prior to the conversation, so we can focus on that. Okay, love it All right.

Coach Alex Ray: 46:43

Where can they find you, how can people work with you and who can work with you?

Melissa Gonzalez: 46:49

Absolutely Great. So a few places to find me. So one is on my website, so that is Melissa Gonzalez dot nmcom. So that's one. And of course there's Instagram and then there's a LinkedIn. But the best places to get in contact, at least to schedule, would be my website or LinkedIn Are the best places for scheduling, but Instagram absolutely. Send me a message and then we can always schedule. Awesome.

Coach Alex Ray: 47:18

And I'll have all that linked up in the show notes for you and you work with anyone in the US, right?

Melissa Gonzalez: 47:25

Yes, yes, so we have access to clients all over the US we're right now licensed in I might be off of maybe 28, 29 different states. Okay, so for whatever reason, I'm not licensed in that specific state, then absolutely just get licensed super quickly. So that's pretty simple.

Coach Alex Ray: 47:47

Okay, awesome.

Melissa Gonzalez: 47:48

As long as in the US, yeah.

Coach Alex Ray: 47:50

All right, I love it. All right. Lastly, I want to just note everyone go to the show notes. You don't even have to remember those links. Everything will be down in the show notes for you so you can easily connect with Melissa. And if you want to be able to ask questions on future episodes, make sure that you visit the link in the show notes to get involved in the Instagram channel. Once you're in there, you'll be able to ask questions for future guests. All right, any final words of wisdom, advice, confidence, love that you want to share with us, melissa.

Melissa Gonzalez: 48:23

Oh, you're so sweet. Well one thank you for having me. This was awesome.

Coach Alex Ray: 48:27

You're so welcome.

Melissa Gonzalez: 48:27

I'm absolutely, and I say this it's everybody's financial journey is different, so a piece of advice is focus on, like yourself, on your individual finances and not compare life to someone else. It's so easy to play the comparison game and I think as long as we focus on just our daily habits of proving little by little, we will go far. You'll go far financially and, again, there's no right or wrong answer. It's just your, it's your path, it's whatever kind of wherever you want to go, that's where you'll go. But Amazing.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:15

I think that that comparison mentality is so difficult to get out of. So, thank you for the reminder, because it makes such a big difference and we do realize that. Okay, that's what's happening and put that aside. Yeah, so much more. I think our financial pictures can look so much more hopeful and exciting when we're not comparing to anyone else Exactly.

Melissa Gonzalez: 49:42

It's your journey. You're an individual.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:44

Yep. Well, Seth, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today and sharing all of your wisdom with us. I really appreciate you being here.

Melissa Gonzalez: 49:52

Absolutely. You're so sweet. Thanks, Alex.

Coach Alex Ray: 49:54

You're welcome. All right, everyone. I'll see you on the next episode. Bye.